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Slim Randles
Slim Randles

Alphonse Wilson here, you know … yore pal Windy?  And I’m here to set the record straight, once and forever more, on turkeys.

Now for those folks out there who think a turkey is something hot and brown and tasty and is full of stuffing, this here’ll come as a shock. You see, before he becomes a tasteful delicacity, the turkey is a big ol’ bird who lives in the woods, or on a farm, and ain’t too awful smart, neither. Iffen a turkey was smart, we’d probably have to eat vegetables for Thanksgiving. Now that’s a fact. Truth be told, if you had a big ol’ dial thingie with Alfred Linestein on one end of the smart meter … you know, like to measure who is the intellectual prairie fire and who ain’t? … wellsir, at the very other end of that dial you’d have a flat brown rock, and then, ‘way off in the distance … the other side of the rock, there’d be a turkey.

And that there turkey’d be there all by hisself, too. So you might think he’d get kinda lonesome out there all solitaried, right? Nossir. That’s ‘cause he ain’t smart enough to get lonesome.

Ain’t but two things a turkey can do proper, folks. Just two, and you can take this to the blank, too. For one thing, he companionizes right well with cranberry sauce twice or once a year. Yes he does. And for another? Well, he just might make a likely candidate for the United States Congress of America! 

And you can tell ‘em I said so.

This year, disguise your turkey as something that doesn’t taste as good. You know, like a porcupine, or squash. Ideas at