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While the holidays are supposed to bring a time of joy, surveys consistently show it is a time of sadness for many, especially when dealing with loss.

For those who have lost a loved one the season can intensify grief rather than soften it. Expectations to feel joyful may deepen isolation and increasing social obligations during the holidays can feel overwhelming rather than comforting.

Zeena Regis, director of priority populations for Compassion & Choices, said invitations to parties and family gatherings can bring an unspoken expectation of cheer at a time when grief has narrowed one’s capacity to engage.

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"It just can be a trigger for our mental health," Regis explained. "If we're expected to be doing something and we're not doing it, it can feel like you're falling behind, or that something's wrong with you because you are not cheerful, because you're not looking forward to spending time with family."

She stressed it is important to give yourself permission to say “no” to large gatherings.

The issue of how to decline an invitation can be its own source of stress. People may worry about disappointing others or appearing ungrateful. Regis pointed out it can be helpful to develop scripts around what a polite "no" could look like or consider redirecting the invitation.

"People can be torn between 'I don't feel up for this big social event but I need to feel connected to other people. I don't want to just isolate,'" Regis observed. "And so to say, 'I'm not up for your party. Do you want to get coffee, just one on one? That might be a better situation for me.'"

Experts said children who have suffered loss may experience holiday grief differently but no less deeply. Holidays can disrupt a child’s sense of stability, especially when a missing parent, grandparent or sibling was central to family rituals. Younger children may repeatedly ask questions about death, while older children may feel pressure to “be strong” for surviving adults.

Kids may struggle to articulate what they are feeling, and Regis added societal expectations for children can be even more pronounced than for adults.

"Children don't have the same emotional literacy that adults do," Regis emphasized. "They're not always able to articulate that they're grieving. For kids, it might come out as anger or being upset because they don't really have the language yet to say, 'Oh, I'm grieving.'"

She noted rituals around remembrance may be especially helpful for children, including lighting candles and sharing stories about the departed loved one.